Love is not always fairytales and romance
by JCL-Tennant-Piper-1985
Summary: The Doctor realises how much he has hurt Rose. How much he loves her. But is he to late, she his precious Rose broken beyond repair?
1. One

**AN: I want to place a three month period between the events of the school reunion and the girl in the fire place. I am aware each event occurred right after the other. But the time space in between helps with my story.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Doctor who, they belong to Russell T Davis and the BBC. I do own the plot and any characters you don't recognise.**

Love is not always fairytales and romance

They had just left eighteenth century France. The Doctor had been too late and left discovering Madam Reinette de Pompadour died, died waiting for him to return, but he never did.

He had been too late by mere minutes to him, but several of years to her. She had died loving him, leaving him few last precious words in a letter, a letter that left the Doctor full of grief, anguish, but above all guilt.

He had loved her. He had known her for a day, whilst she had known him practically all of her life. Had a day been enough for the Doctor to fall in love? No. It had not been for him.

But that was not the only reason the Doctor was riddled with guilt. Yes he had loved Reinette, no he not been in love with her, but someone else who he was without a shadow of doubt in love with.

He loved that someone more, more by a tenfold then compared to the love he had for Reinette, that someone being his young female companion, Rose Tyler.

She was the woman who taught him how to love again after his planet blew up taking all of his people with it. She was the young woman who risked her life for his own, regardless of the dire consequences to her self.

She had been willing to give up her life so that he could live. He felt guilt because he had left her and Mickey to die on that space ship without a second thought as to how it would affect Rose.

He had gone on right a head, stranding him self in the eighteenth century, unknowing weather he had a way back or not. The fire place had been a mere fluke.

He had hurt Rose, he had hurt her badly. But what made it worse was that she never complained, when he had returned through the fire place looking broken and guilt ridden.

She had merely asked him if he was alright, she had not ranted and raved and verbally laid into him, like she had every damned right to have done.

Not once did she complain when the Doctor had gotten drunk on the equivalent of a two hundred and fifty year-old Gallifreyan whiskey.

Gotten drunk and had taken her up against one of the walls of the TARDIS console room. Taken what he had wanted hard fast and selfishly, but by no means was it taken by force.

The Doctor had been drunk, but never enough to forget who he was with and who he loved. Never by force always by consent weather she had gained any sort of pleasure from the encounter before the Doctor had relieved him self inside of her.

Gotten drunk after seeing Sara-Jane again, guilty for the fact he had just left her behind and the fact she had loved him and had never moved on with her life.

Never found a handsome and loving man to marry and settled down with and have loads of beautiful babies with.

Her only company and lasting reminder of what had once belonged to the Doctor, a tin dog, K9, a battered and rusted and old loyal tin dog. That was all she had left of the Doctor.

Gotten drunk as he was plagued with the horrible and hearts breaking knowledge that Rose was going to one day leave him. She was going to age wither away and decay, like all humans eventually did.

The Doctor had looked up from the main console, as he watched Rose just standing there with her hands resting on the other side of the console. looking down at nothing, just merely staring.

The TARDIS was sick of Rose being hurt by the Doctor, and she was sick of her Doctor being tormented over something that would never happen.

Rose was the bad wolf. When she had taken the time vortex into her self, she had come dangerously close to dieing. In order to have prevented that, the TARDIS had changed Rose's DNA so it resembled something like the Doctor's.

Rose did not have two hearts she was not a Time Lady, but she did have the ability to regenerate three times to match the Doctor's three remaining regenerations.

The TARDIS had not wanted the Doctor to be left all alone. So she had given Rose to him until his last day. It had been given as a gift.

So the TARDIS was dead set on sorting out the problem. It had gone on for long enough. The Doctor and Rose loved each other; both were just far too disgustingly stubborn.

So the TARDIS took action where it was needed. She allowed the Doctor to hear Rose's thoughts. Rose would never know the Doctor had been given access to her thoughts without he ever told her so.

The Doctor startled when he realised he could hear Rose speaking. He looked up to find Rose was still looking down and her mouth was unmoving. He listened realising it was her thoughts he could hear, but how?

What Rose was thinking was enough to break his hearts and make him feel physically ill with guilt.

**'He does not love me, why should he when he could have someone like Madam de Pompadour, someone French and more beautiful then I could have hope or dream of being. **

**Madam de Pompadour who is more intelligent and interesting then me, who can hold an intelligent conversation without looking like an idiot, someone who is like the Doctor, and not a twenty year-old ex- shop assistant. **

**Why me when he could have the uncrowned queen of France mistress to the king of France, compared to me a common twenty first century Londoner? **

**There is no room to compare, I am nothing compared to her, and I shall never ever be. His love will never be mine. **

**He will leave me behind, just like he did with Sara-Jane. I am just a companion someone he travels with. Another in the long line and will continue on even after I am long dead and buried. **

**How do I keep making excuses when he catches me of a morning being ill, due to the fact I am currently carrying the last of the Time Lords? **

**How do I tell him that after getting drunk and participating in that drunken passionate love making that meant everything to me, but most likely nothing to him, has left me pregnant? **

**I cannot hate him, as I love him more then breathing. I cannot hate him for leaving me behind to go to her. I can not hate him for loving her. **

**All I can do is love him with all that I am, love him knowing my love will always be one sided. He will never be mine he will never love me back, my Doctor. **

**Love is not always about fairytales and romance. It is time I learned and accepted that. It is time to grow up and leave those stupid and childish fantasies and ridiculous notions behind'**

The Doctor felt tears fill his eyes, as he staggered slightly and held onto the console to remain up right. He felt like someone had just punched him in the stomach.

She was pregnant, and with his baby, the last of the Time Lords. She loved him, never expecting to be loved in return.

If only she knew how much he loved and adored her. He was crazy and madly in love, she was his everything, and she didn't even have a clue.

He loved every last single beautiful inch of her. He was going to make sure she knew how much he loved and adored her. How much he needed and wanted her, her and no one else.


	2. Two

**AN: Ok this chapter is mainly a flash back to the night the Doctor had gotten drunk, and he goes to Rose. The rating will go up.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Doctor who, they belong to Russell T Davis and the BBC. I do own the plot and any characters you don't recognise.**

Love is not always fairytales and romance

Rose she clearly remembered that night three months ago, before the last of Time Lords was even a mere blimp on the radar.

**Flash back three months a go:**

**She remembered the Doctor had been unusually quite after seeing Sara-Jane again. After discovering she had waited for him. She knew he was riddled with guilt.**

**She had left him alone and allowed him to be. She had learned and knew he would never tell her anything if she tried to force it out of him. He would merely clam up; his previous self had been the same, it was like a defensive reflex she supposed.**

**She was left alone to sit in the console room, listening to the TARDIS humming to her self. She also suspected the TARDIS was doing it to try and sooth her turmoil filled emotions.**

**Mickey was in his room at the far end of the other side of the TARDIS. He would never be able to hear anything coming from the console room.**

**She was still furious that the Doctor had allowed Mickey on board the TARDIS after Sara-Jane had insisted upon the TARDIS needing another Smith.**

**She seethed as the Doctor had ignored her whilst Sara-Jane had been around. She did not hate Sara-Jane. No she found she and the elder woman had so much in common.**

**They were both in love with the Doctor. Sara-Jane was left behind and she to would soon be in the same situation.**

**As the Doctor had told her, she was human, and like all humans did, she too would eventually wither away and decay, that they all eventually left him.**

**Rose had sat near the console lost in thought helped along by the soothing humming of the TARDIS.**

**She was so caught up in her thoughts that she had not even heard the Doctor enter the console room. She had no idea he had been watching her for the last five minutes without making a mere sound.**

**She jumped slightly when she felt a cool hand touch her on the shoulder. She turned to face whoever it was who had disturbed her thinking time, and would deliver a right good tongue lashing.**

**Whatever tongue lashing she had been planning on dishing out instantly died a quick death, when she had been assaulted full blast with the strong and rank stench of whiskey.**

**She wrinkled her nose and eyed the Doctor in disbelief. She could not believe it; she would have not believed it had it not been for the toxic smelling alcohol fumes being emitted from the Doctor.**

**The unbelievable had finally come to pass, the Doctor was intoxicated, rat assed, drunk as a skunk, smashed, pissed out of his mind. There were so many phases given to describe the Doctor's current state.**

**Rose eyed him incredulously. Her whole facial expression and body language screamed sheer disbelief.**

**She blinked several times, thinking her grief filled mind was playing nasty little tricks upon her, that she had finally cracked.**

**But still the Doctor remained standing in front of her gazing down at her with open undisguised heated lust.**

**Rose felt her jaw go slack at the look the Doctor was levelling her with. She must have fallen to sleep and was dreaming an extremely strange dream indeed.**

**She pinched her self to make sure it was not all part of a weird dream after all. She let out small yelp when she felt pain from the pinch she had just inflicted upon her self.**

**The Doctor let out deep throaty chuckle at her antics. He commented with a husky voice with a slight slur.**

**"I assure you I am very much real Rose. No matter how much self inflicted pain you cause your self, I will still be standing here, and not as an illusion of your imagination."**

**Rose flushed partly in anger and part embarrassment. How the hell did he do that to her? Why the hell did he affected to such a degree, it was totally unfair in her opinion?**

**Totally unfair when he was unaffected by her, totally unfair that he was drunk and mostly likely was drunk enough to believe she was one of his past companions.**

**Rose closed her eyes and sighed. Her eyes instantly snapped open when she felt his cool hand gently caress the side of her face.**

**She froze as his thumb gently caressed and traced her bottom lip. She pulled away and stood. She began to slowly back away from the Doctor.**

**In return he began to slowly move forwards to wards her. Rose asked with more then a little apprehension.**

**"Doctor what and how much exactly did you drink, you wreak of alcohol as if you practically bathed in it?" she continued to step backwards swallowing nervously.**

**She had never seen that look in his eyes before. It both terrified her and thrilled her. It was pure unchecked lust, and hunger.**

**His eyes were darkened and glazed over, and she had feeling it was not just because of the alcohol he had drank.**

**The Doctor all but purred, but still with a slight slurring to his speech. "Why Rose, why do you have a terrified look upon your beautiful face?"**

**He added with an almost seductive little smile "I don't bite, not in less you want me to that is." Rose felt her jaw go slack and her eyes bug.**

**Rose laughed nervously and let out a startled yelp when she realised as she felt her back hit one of the walls of the TARDIS, that she was trapped.**

**She was trapped and he was now fast advancing upon her. She gulped and flushed when he stopped in front of her, placing his hands on either side of her head, completely trapping her.**

**She shivered as she felt his warm breath up against her neck. She froze when he nuzzled the side of her jaw.**

**Oh yeah, he was drunk as a bloody skunk alright. She had to do something before he did something he was liable to regret in the morning when he was sober.**

**The Doctor was never this forward or flirty, at least never with her, she felt a painful sadness knowing he was only doing this because he was drunk and lonely.**

**Rose almost melted when she felt him gently kiss her jaw line. She froze yet again when she felt his hand brush against the side of her breast.**

**This was wrong, but how could something that was wrong feel oh so right? She knew if she did not stop him, then he would hate her in the morning. He could easily accuse her of taking advantage of him in his drunken state.**

**Before she could open her mouth to speak, the Doctor had hungrily captured her mouth in a searing kiss. Rose moaned as he passionately slanted his mouth over her own.**

**She whimpered as he slipped his tongue passed her lips and suckled on her own tongue, as he firmly caressed her breast, pinching and squeezing the nipple making it hard.**

**Rose panted as he pulled away and began to suckle on her jaw line slowly tracing his tongue all the way up to her ear. He swirled his tongue inside said ear causing her to whimper and bite her lower lip.**

**She began to panic slightly when she felt his hands reaching for the hem of her t-shirt. She gripped his hands, making him cease all movements.**

**The Doctor grunted in annoyance and looked at her pointedly in question. Rose answered his silent question.**

**"Doctor this isn't what you want, you are drunk and do not know what you are doing. It is not me you want; you do not see me like this."**

**The Doctor removed his hands from hers and reached for the hem of her t-shirt once more. He commented "don't fight it Rose. I am a big boy, more then capable of knowing what I want and what I need. Don't you worry and just enjoy."**

**Rose was gob smacked, if this was what happened to the Doctor when he had drank too much, then she did not know weather to laugh or be afraid very afraid.**

**She decided to give in, realising this was more then likely her only chance. She would deal with the consequences in the morning.**

**But for now she intended to make the most of it and commit this one special moment to her memory.**

**She raised her arms aiding the Doctor in lifting her shirt up and over her head, where he allowed it to drop onto the metal grating of the floor.**

**He then licked a trail down her throat and down her neck, stopping at her breasts. He caressed her breast with one hand and the other reached behind her to unclasp her bra without a moment's hesitation.**

**Rose shivered as he pulled her bra down, allowing it to drop to the floor to join her t-shirt. He then proceeded to caress her bare breasts, cupping a breast in each hand, squeezing and moulding the soft supple flesh to his hands.**

**He pinched both of her nipples, twisting them and pulling at them, before bending his head low, taking her left breast into his mouth and suckling hungrily, letting out a content sigh as she whimpered.**

**He swirled his tongue teasingly as his other hand pinched the nipple of her other breast, causing her to moan at the double sensation.**

**She moaned arching into his mouth, gripping his hair, as his teeth grazed her nipple, before taking it into his mouth and suckling down hard.**

**He then released her breast with a moist popping sound before giving her other breast the same attention.**

**His hands slowly and sensually trailed down her stomach, his finger circling her belly button teasingly.**

**He released her breast and gripped her hips as he slowly lowered him self onto his knees, as he trailed his tongue down her torso and stopped at her stomach.**

**He nibbled around her belly button before swirling his tongue around the indent causing her to throw her head back and scream in pleasure when it darted inside her.**

**He continued to nibbled kiss and suck on her stomach as his hand trailed down stopping at the waist of her jeans.**

**His fingers made quick work of the button and zipper on her jeans. He pulled away from her stomach with one last long swipe of his tongue.**

**He then pulled her jeans down taking her underwear with them, with a tug. Rose stepped out of her underwear and jeans, kicking then to one side to join her other clothing.**

**She was finally left naked standing in front of the fully clothed Doctor. She flushed at the appreciative lust she saw shining in his darkened brown eyes.**

**She moaned and whimpered when he slowly and teasingly slid a finger inside of her, swirling it inside of her hot soaking wetness. She was so wet and tight.**

**He added a second finger and placed both finger deep inside of her in a scissor motion, bending his knuckles, causing her to moan and whimper loudly.**

**After a moment or two he removed his fingers and lifted them up to his mouth and suckled her wetness off of his fingers, like it was the most delicious treat.**

**She moaned at the sight, causing him to wink playfully at her. He then stood to his full height and reached down and unbuttoned and unzipped his trousers, taking his underwear with them.**

**He lifted her effortlessly off of her feet, causing her to let out a startled gasp. He then gripped her hips after positioning his hard length at her opening.**

**He eyed her for a moment before wrapping her legs around his waist and bringing her down hard upon his entire length.**

**If he had been sober he would have never done that, he would have prepared her more to accept his decent sized length.**

**Rose let out a scream of both pain and pleasure. She knew it was the alcohol that was making him so ruff and careless. She would not hold it against him.**

**He did not give her time to adjust, he immediately begun thrusting in and out of her, in and out over and over again. She met him thrust for thrust.**

**She had always imagined her first time with the Doctor would be sweet romantic and lovingly slow. This was not making love this was pure heated fucking.**

**So much for her fantasies and dreams of slow romantic love making, accompanied by low soothing whispers and caresses of love and adoration.**

**Rose felt tears prickle at the corners of her eyes, but never would she let the tears fall, never. She would help him and allow him to have this moment of release, a moment from the pain and loneliness.**

**Rose moaned out aloud when his thrusts increased in pace and became deeper and harder. Her moans and screams were swallowed by his hungry kisses.**

**Soon she felt her self going over the edge, after he had pounded into her with a certain angle one last time, spilling him self inside her with a scream of her name.**

**It was the shock of hearing him scream her name that sent her over the edge completely. She shook and clenched her inner walls around him, causing him to growl and continue too empty him self deep inside of her.**

**Then all movement ceased, and she slumped against him spent as he did the same against her. Her mind and emotions were all over the place.**

**He had screamed out her name, her name. This had shocked her to no end. But what could it possibly mean?**

**She had no intentions of getting her hopes up, she pointed blank refused to do so. It could not mean anything; it was most likely in the heat of the moment that he had screamed her name.**

**Present time:**

Rose snapped out of her thoughts and looked over at the Doctor on the other side of the console. He was doubled over leaning onto the console for support.

She slowly waked over to him and asked "Doctor are you ok?" she sucked in a breath when he looked up at her.

His face was a wash with tears. She could see guilt, regret, anguish pure remorse but above all she could see two emotions she would have never thought possible to be aimed at her self, especially coming from the Doctor.

Love and adoration, they were the two emotions that had left her breathless. But what she did not understand was the tears that his cheeks were drenched in.

Before she could open her mouth to speak and ask him what was wrong and if he was going to be alright, he had stepped forward cutting off what she had planned to say next.

He had taken her into arms and had captured her lips with his own in a passionate but tender kiss. He poured all the love adoration and desperation he felt for her into that one kiss.

Rose, she froze, but only for a moment before she was kissing him back, tears streaming down her face. Tears of relief and other unimaginative and overwhelming emotions that threatened to swallow her whole.

The TADRIS, it was allowing both the Doctor and Rose to feel each others emotions. The kissed deepened before they pulled away.

The Doctor held her against him, refusing to loosen his grip around her waist; he rested his fore head against her own.

Both were breathing and panting heavily, as tears continued to stream down their faces. The Doctor croaked out.

"I love you. I am so sorry, I never meant to or wanted to hurt you, I'm sorry that I left you behind, sorry that I never told you how I felt until I had hurt you."

He asked "why did you not tell me you were pregnant? Why had you not told me I was hurting you that night I was drunk?"

Rose gasped and pulled back slightly and asked "what? How do you know I was pregnant? And who or what says you hurt me that night Doctor? I willing allowed you Doctor; I assure you I would not be still here right now if you had forced me."

The Doctor sighed as more tears fell. "I can feel you, I feel your emotions and see and hear your thoughts. The TARDIS I think she might have created a link between my self, you and her."

He added as Rose opened her mouth to protest. "I heard your thoughts. I saw you reliving that night three months ago, the night I suspect our child was conceived."

He finished guiltily "I could feel the pain and confusing you felt during that memory. I knew I had been intoxicated and had selfishly not prepared you properly."

He eyed her with tear filled brown eyes filled with pain and remorse "all I can tell you is that I am sorry, sorry that I hurt you.

I never wanted our first time together to only be thoughtless shagging up against the wall of the TARDIS console room.

It was insensitive of me, and the fact I was drunk on a bottle of two hundred and fifty year-old mature Gallifreyan whiskey is no excuse what so ever."

Rose choked "whiskey? Two hundred and fifty years-old alien whisky?" she could not help but eye the Doctor as if he was insane.

She commented incredulously "I bet that was some bloody strong shit. No wonder you were intoxicated. It was a wonder you were still conscious and not on your back."

The Doctor grinned sheepishly and nervously ran his hand through his hair making it stick up, even more wildly then before.

The grin left the Doctor's face. He told her "Rose we have to discuss us, to discuss our unborn child,

Also I must tell you what happened on satellite five. I can no longer keep that away from you, weather you remember what happened or not."

He frowned "plus I also sense the TARDIS has something she needs to tell both you and I" the TARDIS let out a brief humming sound confirming she did indeed have something they both needed to know.

So the Doctor led Rose from the console room and to his own room. They needed to talk in privacy. They could not do that in the console room.

Mickey could head there at any given moment. But he would never ever think to check the Doctor's room, hell he didn't even know where the Doctor slept.

The Doctor had every intention of keeping it that way.


	3. Three

**AN: Ok this chapter is mainly memories belonging to the Doctor and Rose.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Doctor who, they belong to Russell T Davis and the BBC. I do own the plot and any characters you don't recognise.**

Love is not always fairytales and romance

Once they reached the Doctor's Room they both sat on the end of the bed. Rose looked around; she had never been inside the Doctor's room before. She hadn't had any reason to have done so.

The Doctor cleared his throat and asked her "do you trust me Rose?" Rose frowned "of course. Sure you've left me behind not once but twice, but it will take more then that to ever make me lose my trust in you."

The Doctor replied "do you trust me to enter you mind? Do you trust me to see every last second of your life? Do you trust me to show you mine, knowing your most likely going to want to leave after seeing everything I have ever done?"

Rose was floored as she asked "everything? You'd show me everything?" The Doctor nodded "Reinette she only saw some of my memories of when I was younger and of most recently."

He sighed "I broke the link before she saw everything. You on the other hand I'm willing to allow too see everything from the beginning in the middle and to the present."

Rose asked "You allowed Reinette to look into your memories?" The Doctor frowned and shook his head. "No she was not meant to have seen anything. I was inside her mind looking for information."

He sighed "I hadn't realised until it was too late, that once you open a door the other person can walk in and out until that door is closed again."

He stroked the side of her face and said "but she never had my permission, you on the other hand do. I'm willing to show you everything. I don't wish there to be anymore secrets between us."

He sighed sadly and guiltily "because of secrets and my idiotic behaviour and incapability to be open with you, our relationship has been dealt a huge blow and strain."

He continued to caressed her cheek with the pad of his thumb and spoke gently "my ninth self was in love with you Rose, and that has not changed, that love was passed onto me stronger then ever before."

He smiled gently "no matter how many more times I regenerate I'll always love you. I can't change that, and wouldn't even want to, even if I could."

Rose felt tears fill her eyes and replied around a sob "I love you too, I always have and I always will" she allowed the tears to fall.

"I loved your ninth self, and when you regenerated I never thought I would be able to love you like I did him. But then I found I loved you even more."

She trembled as he lovingly brushed away her tears as she continued to speak. "I love you so much that it hurts. It hurt when you jumped through that mirror on that horse, never knowing weather you'd ever be able to come back."

She sighed sniffling "it hurt when you completely ignored me and went and saved her. But I can not blame you for that. She was after all more beautiful then I will ever be or could ever hope to be. She is more intelligent and is not common."

Rose whimpered as he cradled her in his arms. "I never ever expected you to love me back. Why choose me when you could have had the beautiful and sophisticated uncrowned queen of France and mistress to the king of France?"

Rose sobbed "compared to her I am a common nobody. I don't even have any A-levels. I can't play an instrument; I can't draw to safe my life."

She added looking up at him "but believe it or not I can sing." The Doctor chuckled at this and kissed her affectionately upon the nose.

The Doctor gently placed the palms of his hands against her face and his finger tips against her temples.

He murmured soothingly "close your eyes and relax Rose. In less you place up barriers you will be allowing me to see everything.

Just so you know you shan't encounter any barriers with me. I am an open book for you to explore. I promise I won't keep anything from you. I almost lost you because of what I had been doing."

He gently and lovingly caressed her temples with his finger tips before entering her mind. Both were suddenly hit with memory after memory belonging to the other.

The Doctor was stunned to sense so much loneliness, loneliness that wasn't his own. The fear of being alone and left behind had always been a constant fear of Rose's.

He saw the sweetest little brunette haired girl. Growing up without the love of a father, never being able to understand why the other children at school had a dad and she didn't.

A teenager who worked hard in school, but never had the heart to really try, seeing as she knew she would never get to go to collage due to the lack of funds.

A teenager who never finished school after meeting an older teen by the name of Jimmy Stone, he who promised her so much, but cheated and crushed her, a cruel idiot full of broken and worthless promises.

A naive teenage girl, she who had the unfortunate habit of always choosing the wrong kind of boy's to date, she who always choose the pretty and bad boy's; who treated her like a possession.

A young woman stuck in a relationship with a child hood friend, because it felt safe and familiar.

A young woman stuck in a dead end job, she who sensed there had to be more then just her mundane life.

A young woman who met a dark and lonely guy in a leather jacket a Time Lord who promised he would show her the wonders and beauty that is the universe.

A young traveller who had to meet and watch her father die, who had to deal with seeing and knowing him for only a matter of hours.

A young woman who taught him how to live again and had shown him what it was to live after so long of believing his hearts were dead and incapable of ever loving ever again.

A young woman and companion willing to give up her life to save his, she who was a goddess bathed in a golden glow of time, she who saw everything that was, everything that is and everything that ever could be. She is the bad wolf.

He felt her anguish when he had regenerated in front of her, then after when he had been in his healing coma.

He had felt her deep crushing heartache for the man she had once known, but he also felt the unfailing love she currently felt for him.

He saw and felt how embarrassed she had been when Cassandra had taken over her body. How Cassandra had jested about how she was like hormone city. Telling the Doctor how Rose was attracted to him.

Then he cringed when he saw himself being possessed by Cassandra. He had felt the mixture of emotions coming from Rose, as she watched Cassandra controlling his body.

He sensed her horror, amusement and the disturbance she felt over Cassandra saying as she spoke using the Doctor **'Ooh, he's slim. And a little bit foxy. You've thought so too. I've been inside your head. You've been looking, you like it'**

Then he had felt and had seen how pissed she was, silently seething as he told Queen Victoria **'She's a feral child. I bought her for sixpence in old London Town. It's was her or the Elephant Man, so'**

He felt her fear and was stunned at what the host of the werewolf had said to his Rose. He had felt her jealousy over Sara-Jane. He had been indignant as he discovered the reason as to why his Rose was laughing with Sara-Jane, at him, he now knew.

Rose had said 'Listen to us. It's like me and my mate Shireen. The only **'Look! Inside your eyes! You've seen it too! The Wolf! There is something of the Wolf about you! You burnt like the sun, but all I require is the moon'**time we fell out was over a man, and... We're arguing over the Doctor'

The Doctor sighed in annoyance as well as a little amusement as the memory went on his Rose along with Sara-Jane continued to discuss and make fun of him.

**'With you, did he do that thing where he'd explain something at like, ninety-miles-per-hour, and you'd go, 'what?' and he'd look at you like you'd just dribbled on your shirt? All the time!'** had been Sara-Jane's reply.

The Doctor honestly had no idea he had made any of his companions feel like that, at least of all his Rose and Sara-Jane.

He huffed mentally when he heard the next part of the memory as Sara-Jane had asked Rose 'Does he still stroke bits of the TARDIS?'

That was a low blow the Doctor could not help but think as Rose replied 'Yeah! Yeah! He does! I'm like; do you two wanna be alone?'

He sighed and tries to pretend that their mad cackling at his expense did not seriously grate on his last nerve. **'Bloody human women'** was his thought.

Then came the memories of Rose's he found more then a little uncomfortable and guilt worthy in regards to him self.

**'Madame de Pompadour-- (Reinette gasps) please, don't scream or anything, we haven't got a lot of time. I've come to warn you that they'll be here in five years'**

He watched as the conversation he would never have witnessed had he not entered Rose's mind, he watched as it unravelled between the woman he loved and the woman that had fallen in love with him, but sadly did not have his love in return.

He listened and watched as Reinette had spoken. **'Five years? Some time after your thirty-seventh birthday. I um... I can't give you an exact date. It's a bit random. But they're coming. It's gonna happen. In a way, for us, it's already happening. I'm sorry, it's hard to explain. The Doctor does this better'** had been Rose's reply.

**'Then be exact, and I will be attentive'** had been Reinette's reply. Rose had looked so genuinely apologetic and uncomfortable, that the Doctor felt awful for having sent Rose to inform Reinette.

The Doctor cringed at the tone of voice Reinette was using against his Rose. It was not fare on Rose. She was speaking as if Rose was stupid, when the Doctor knew she was far from it, even if she did not have Reinette's intelligent's.

**'There isn't time'** Rose had insisted apologetically. **'There are five** **years'** Reinette had told her persistently. Rose had replied with a slight edge to her voice, which the Doctor recognised as Rose coming close to letting her temper loose on Reinette.

**'For you, I haven't got five minutes'** Reinette had replied practically throwing her intelligence in Rose's face, the Doctor realised with no small amount of anger. **'Then also be concise'**

**'Erm... there's say, um... a-- a... a vessel, a ship, a sort of sky ship. And it's full of... well, you. Different bits of your life in different rooms, all jumbled up. I told you it was complicated, sorry'** Rose had said genuinely sorry.

**'Oh my poor Rose. I promise I'll make this up to you'** thought the Doctor sadly. He cringed at the rage he could hear in Reinette's voice as she had replied. Making him realise Reinette would have truly been lost in his world.

**'There is a vessel in your world... where the days of my life are pressed together like the chapters of a book so that he may step from one to the other without increase of age... while I, weary traveller... must always take the slower path?'**

**'He was right about you...'** had been Rose's reply. **'Oh but not completely Rose my love. I never expected her to throw her intelligence in your face no matter how deliberate or not'** was the Doctor's remorseful filled thought.

**'So, in five years these creatures will return. What can be done?'** Reinette had asked. Rose had replied **'The Doctor says keep them talking. They're kind of programmed to respond to you now. You won't be able to stop them, but you might be able to delay them a bit'**

**'Until?'** Reinette had questioned. Rose's reply had been simple but truthful **'Until the Doctor can get there'** Oh and boy had he gotten there, but at the risk of losing Rose.

**'He's coming, then?'** had been Reinette's hopeful reply. Rose replied honestly **'He promises'** The Doctor sighed thinking as he continued to watch 'yeah and that promise almost cost me my love, that's what it bloody did'

**'But he cannot... make his promises in person?'** Reinette had asked, clearly bothered by that. The Doctor frowned. It had not been his fault that he had been unable to come him self. He had been busy setting up that sound system around the ship.

Rose's reply had been in a tone that Reinette had obviously missed, but the Doctor hadn't. Her tone was not of anger but it also wasn't her being her usual sunny and caring self either.

**'He'll be there when you need him. That's the way it's gotta be'** Reinette had replied clearly resigned **'It's the way it's always been. The monsters and the Doctor, it seems you cannot have one without the other'**

The Doctor grimaced when Rose had laughed and replied wearily and knowingly **'Tell me about it'** she added **'The thing is you weren't supposed to have either. Those creatures are messing with history. None of this was ever supposed to happen to you'**

The Doctor felt both sympathy and anger for Reinette at what she had said in reply. Anger because she was taking it out on Rose, when Rose was only telling her the truth which she needed and had to hear.

And sympathy because she was in love with him, and he was not with her, he had never meant to lead her on. It was his own fault for kissing her back, he knew this.

**'Supposed to happen? What does that mean? It happened, child. And I would not have it any other way. One may tolerate a world of demons for the sake of an angel'**

The Doctor felt his anger flare. His Rose was no longer a child; she had not been since she had met him and began travelling with him in his previous incarnation.

And he sure as hell was no angel. He snorted at that. He could not help it. Him being referred to as an angel was damn right laughable in his opinion.

The Doctor felt ill as he finally saw the events concerning his baby's conception, from Rose's point of view.

He saw and sensed that her entire posture and facial expression screamed disbelief. She was incredulous. He could tell she was caught between laughing and bolting in fear.

He watched as Rose had tried to talk him out of it, before giving up and surrendering her self to his advances.

He felt her pleasure during their foreplay, but her mixture of pleasure and pain as he slammed her down upon his hard length.

He could evidentially see she was enjoying her self and that she was doing it willingly. He was flooded with a sense of relief as he realised she had consented and he had not forced her.

And lastly he saw the moment where she discovered she was pregnant. He felt wretched as she sobbed as she allowed the pregnancy stick to fall from unfeeling fingers as she slid down the bathroom tiled wall and onto the tiled floor and buried her face in her knees.

Rose was stunned as she viewed each memory of the Doctor's. She marvelled at seeing the Doctor in his original form.

She watched as he then regenerated for the first time ever. He was a lot younger and was rather attached to his recorder.

Then there was the third Doctor. A pure dandy, Rose would never have figured the Doctor as once being a dandy. Wonders never ceased.

Then there was the fourth Doctor. Rose had felt a warm fuzzy feeling at seeing her love with wild curly hair. Oh and that scarf. That scarf. There were no words to describe it. She smiled at his jelly baby obsession. She found that enduring and adorable.

The fifth Doctor much to her shock was blond, pure blond. The Doctor had been blond; she was unable to get her head around that.

She grinned at his love of cricket, hell he even wore a cricket jumper. But what she did notice about the fifth Doctor compared to everything else. Was that he seemed to be the most mellow and laid back Doctor of them all. Her Doctor, both of her Doctor's weren't and aren't that mellow.

Then there was the sixth Doctor. Rose noticed another blond, but he seemed to be channelling four when it came to the curly hair.

She was both an amused and horrified at the sight of his bright patch work coat. She felt the urge to gag. It was atrocious. It would have made fabulous dusting rags in Rose's opinion.

She made a mental note to ask the Doctor if he had been colour blind in his sixth life. Then there was his personality that had really wound her up. He was nothing short of a grumpy and cynical old swine.

Seven, he was not the best looking man in the world. But he was hell of a lot better natured then six had been. He seemed to have a love of chess.

As for the question mark covered umbrella it did not do much for her. His dress sense had not been the best but he was no where near in the league with the sixth Doctor.

Eight, she found him to be handsome. His sense of style looked to be out of the Victoria era. His long hair she found to be very attractive.

Then there was nine her first Doctor, with his adorably big ears and nose and goofy and manic grin. She used to love his leather jacket and his beautiful blue eyes.

He was her first true love. He introduced her to the wonder's that was the universe. He would forever be in her heart.

And finally ten, the man she now loved, with his glasses she found undeniably sexy. Gorgeous Bambie eyes that were capable of melting her entire being, his heavenly knee weakening boyish grin with those prefect white teeth.

That suit that she loved seeing him in, with those trainers that he seemed to be able to pull off with ease.

She felt a lingering sadness, as she felt how lonely her Doctor had been and still most of the time was.

He had many, many companions. They all mostly left him, few he had sent away in sometimes subtle ways and sometimes none subtle ways.

She saw the memory with him kissing Reinette. She saw and felt how stunned Reinette had left him afterwards.

She watched as he drank danced and laughed along with Reinette. She could not help but feel the cold hard stab of jealousy.

Finally the Doctor broke the link after viewing the night their Time tot was conceived from his own point of view, he then sat back and eyed Rose nervously.

His nervousness soon turned to pure incredulous disbelief when she began giggling hysterically like a hyena, clutching her side, trying to relieve the stitch in her side.

She asked between giggles "oh god, that scarf, that bloody scarf. What were you thinking? Oh shit and that coat, what did you do take a load of dusting rags and sewn them together?

Geez it was so bright, you wouldn't happened to have been colour blind in your sixth life by any chance?"

She wiped her eyes lying back on the bed and commented laughingly "wow that coat was bloody scandalous, it was a crime if I ever saw one Doctor."

She suddenly shrieked as the Doctor pounced on her and began to tickle her like crazy. Rose screamed in between bouts of mad giggles.

"Stop please I can't breath." The Doctor laughed and insisted "say uncle and apologise for insulting me and my past dress sense."

Rose howled with laughter and spat out between giggles "never. I was only telling the truth, to bad if you're too blind to see the truth."

The Doctor continued on mercilessly. Rose suddenly knew what would stop him she screamed **"AAAHHH STOP DOCTOR I'M GONNA WET MY SELF IF YOU DON'T."**

That did it that did the trick she thought with satisfied smug glee. The Doctor immediately ceased his tickling and eyed her in disgusted amusement.

Rose smirked and gasped for breath "don't look at me like that. It bloody well stopped your blasted tickling didn't it? I did warn you and I after all was only telling it as was."

He pouted adorably "but I loved that scarf and the coat wasn't so bad" he had added at her look of sheer incredulous disbelief.

"Ok fine so it was more then a little colourful to say the least. And no for your information my sixth self was by no means colour blind thank you very much."

Rose snorted "you could have fooled me. That coat was butt ass ugly and if you can't see that, then that is just damn right tragic."

The Doctor chuckled and leaned over her and captured her lips with his own, moaning in contentment at the sweet tasting of her mouth.

He cupped her face as his slanted his mouth hungrily over her own. He slipped his tongue passed her lips and entwined it with her own.

She whimpered in delight and wound her fingers lovingly between the soft and wild strands, as she suckled on his lower lip and then his upper lip.

Rose murmured "make love to me please." The Doctor paused before asking "are you sure love, are you sure that this is what you want?"

She replied after kissing him on his jaw "I've never been surer or wanted anything so much in my life. I promise you're what I want and only you."

The Doctor grinned his wide boyish grin before murmuring against her mouth "I love you I love you so much my Rose."


End file.
